“But, Mom! Why can’t I have them? I’m the only kid in my class who has to wear these lame shoes! You don’t know how embarrassing it is. All the cool kids have them. Besides, they only cost $160. I’m the only kid in my class who has to wear these lame shoes! You don’t know how embarrassing it is. You and Dad get everything you want…and, don’t tell me that I need to earn them myself. None of my friends get treated like this. This is so bogus! And besides that, Britney says that it’s the parents’ job to get good stuff for their kids,” Trinity laments.

“How many times have I told you that you don’t need these things just because your friends have them?” answered Mom. “You have perfectly good shoes that you don’t even wear. If I remember right, you were going to die if you didn’t get the last pair. You wore them twice and I haven’t seen them on your feet since.”

“Where am I supposed to get the kind of money to keep getting you everything you want? Young lady, you’re going to have to realize that I’m not an Automatic Teller Machine. It’s about time that you showed a little appreciation for what you have instead of constantly demanding more and more.”

“But, Mom! You could loan me the money. If you just loan me the money, I promise I’ll pay you back. It’s important!”

“What are you talking about?” Mom asked. “I’ve heard that before, but I never see the money. It’s about time you learned a little responsibility.”

“But, Mom, I’ve learned my lesson. I promise.”

“Oh, alright! I’ll loan you the money, but if you don’t pay it back, this is the last time!”

This conversation has become a weekly event at Trinity’s house. Mom and Dad have tried to explain to her that she doesn’t need everything she sees advertised. Lecture after lecture has fallen on deaf ears, resulting in the parents finally giving in and buying the object of Trinity’s desires, only to discover that their daughter’s obsession with materialism grows with each new acquisition. The more she gets, the more she wants.

END THE BEGGING

In the house across the street things are handled in a different way. Fourteen-year-old Tracy doesn’t have Trinity’s sense of entitlement. She has a deep sense of appreciation for her belongings.

This all started at an early age when Tracy started to think about all the things she wanted. One day it was a pony. The next day it was a bicycle. Each time her friend got something new, she wanted it too. Her begging knew no bounds.

Tracy’s mother had attended a Love and Logic class where the instructor reminded the class that “we don’t want to squash the dreams of our kids.” Many parents do this in an attempt to help their children avoid disappointment by telling them that their dreams are impossible.

The instructor gave an example of a child who talked of becoming an astronaut. His mother told him that it was really not possible because so few people get into the program. Little did she know that trying to protect him from disappointment told him that he didn’t have what she believed it took to reach his dream.

AMAZING RESULTS

Taking this information to heart, Tracy’s mom developed the idea of a “Wish List.” It taught Tracy that she could pursue her dreams, it put a stop to begging, and it taught her the value of earning and managing her money.

So, when Tracy started talking about how much she wanted to start skiing, take swimming lessons, and get a new tennis racket, her mom didn’t lecture about the costs, but responded with, “Oh, wouldn’t that be nice. Put those things on your Wish List.” Each time Tracy saw something else she wanted, Mom said, “Good idea. Put that on your Wish List.”

“But when are you going to get these things for me?” whined Tracy.

“I didn’t say I was going to buy those things. I said it would be wonderful for you to have them. When I want things I put them on my wish list. Then I prioritize them by putting numbers on them. Once I do that, I do some research to find out how much they cost and how long I am going to have to save my money to afford them. Now would be a good time for you to start doing that.”

With Mom’s help Tracy learned the value of writing down the things she wanted, prioritizing her wishes, comparing the costs to her finances, keeping track of her savings, and earning the things she wanted.

Tracy soon decided that ski equipment was her first priority. After doing some research and finding that she either needed to save her allowance for three years, or find some other way to raise the money, she changed her priorities and the tennis racket become her number-one goal. She still had to save for several months to afford it, but as you can guess, she took good care of the prize she had worked so hard to achieve.

Now that Tracy is a teen she is pursuing her other dreams in the same way. One day she announced to her folks that she was going to become an airline pilot. Her parents didn’t tell her how difficult that was going to be.

They knew that their daughter could find that out on her own, or that she could discover for herself that she had what it takes to realize her goal. I bet you know what they said to her when she told them that she wanted to go to pilot school, “Oh, that’s a great idea. Put that on your wish list.”

Mom looks back on starting the wish list idea with her daughter and remembers that it wasn’t as simple as it seems. Tracy did her share of complaining and arguing. But that only lasted until she discovered that her parents meant business.

Dad reports that it wasn’t long before Tracy tried to turn the tables on them. “Hey, Tracy,” Dad called. “I’d like you to look after your little brother tonight. Mom and I are going shopping.”

“Hey, Dad. That sounds like a great idea. Put that on your wish list.”

“That was a nice try, Tracy. But you might give some careful thought to the wisdom of that snappy come-back.” And that is a story for another time.

Jim Fay, one of America’s most sought-after presenters in the fields of parenting and school discipline, and Kristan Leatherman co-authored “Millionaire Babies or Bankrupt Brats?,” the newest book from the Love and Logic Institute, Inc. To learn more about Jim Fay, Love and Logic, or Kristan Leatherman, visit Millionaire Babies.